Keep Fighting the Good Fight

After having my ostomy removed, I started the road to recovery..

Just to be honest, it was so much easier than I ever imagined it could be.. A lot of people say that after all of the bullets I have taken, the things in the future should be nothing I can't handle. That statement is controversial.. I have been through a lot, but I still feel pain just like the next person. But yes, I can handle it. I honestly believe that every single person can handle anything that is thrown their way.. The question is, do you handle it, or run from it?

Looking back on this year, I have found a strength in myself that I never knew I had. How when I was in ICU on the vent, and my family was told they were probably going to lose me, I somehow managed to find some kind of strength in my body that I never knew I had and I used every bit of my being to help get through.. Plus, I had an amazing Savior holding my hand the whole time.

The next day after my surgery was a great day, I got up, got moving, and I honestly just knew everything was going to be just fine.

Then my tube got clamped.................................................
My gtube was clamped and none of us knew.. So, the whole day I was super nauseous and I had all I thought I could stand. Thank goodness, my surgeon noticed it during my wound vac change. He was able to unclamp it and he drew a ton of the fluid off my stomach which made me feel a bit better.
The next two days was all about walking through the nausea and trying to get all that bile off my stomach and down my tube. I threw up twice and was convinced that by the way it felt, my whole wound had ripped open and I was bleeding out. So I just laid there. In my vomit. Luckily, that wasn't the case.

Now I am a week and a day out from surgery, and I seriously feel great. I am getting my wound vac changed on Tuesdays and Fridays. I am walking, eating popsicles and drinking clears.

Everything in my body is working the way it should and I am beyond blessed to be having such an awesome recovery and I am constantly praying it stays that way.

In closing, I am going to say this.. I will not be going back to the past. Being in ICU, being extremely ill, almost losing my life, struggling, crying, and feeling like I was nothing. I am still healing from that part of my life and the way I get over things is to stop talking about them. Years from now, I will be able to speak about that part of my life and not get choked up, but I am just not there yet.

So, for the people in my life on a daily basis- This time WILL work. This time IS working. We are NOT going to worry that THIS time will be like LAST time, because THIS time IS NOT LAST TIME. We are not going back to that place.
I may eat my words, but if I do, I will handle it.

I remember where I've been, but I'm looking forward to where I'm going.

"Just another day in the life."

On to the Better Life

This post won't be very formal.. Just a warning.

I haven't been on here to post in two weeks, so you know the drill..

When MaKenzie doesn't post for two weeks, MaKenzie does two posts in one night.

Most of you reading know why I haven't been posting, but for those of you who don't...

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You ready?

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I NO LONGER HAVE AN OSTOMY!

Yes, you aren't seeing things.. It is GONE. 

G-O-N-E

GONE

GONE

I'm a little excited, ya know...

But, anyways, the surgery went so well! I spent the night in ICU just so they could keep an eye on me, but I didn't have a vent, like we expected I would.

The surgery was 7 hours long, I had 6 inches of intestine removed and rehooked, I has my gallbladder removed, and I had my ostomy taken down.

OH! ANDDDDDDDDD.......

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.....

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When they got in there.... I HAD NO ACTIVE DISEASE!

NO

ACTIVE
DISEASE

So, in summary, my Entivyo is straight up killin' it (I already regret saying this.. Wait until I read it years from now..).

My recovery is going pretty well, I got up and walked the next day after surgery with no problems at all. After all these years, I have finally got myself to understand that the more I walk, the better I will feel. 

I am still in shock about not having an ostomy, I am waiting on nurses to come in every four hours to give me medicine, I am waiting for a leaky ostomy.

It is so, so weird to look back and see how I spent a year of my life and how much it changed me. 

I am so excited to see what the future holds for me.

"Just another day in the life."

Late Night Shenanigans

So I never really make posts at night, I usually do them on Sunday afternoon, but I decided that I was in the mood to post, so here it is..

You know how most people do "Dear Me" letters? I never really thought much about doing one.. But, just laying here thinking about how far I've come in just a short amount of time, I decided I needed to make one, so I can look back on it years from now, and remember when I was in this place in my life.
Here goes it..

Dear Me,

You've been through hell and back, and you have learned so much along the way, and the best part is, you're still learning. You've been a light in the lives of so many people, and I don't think you realize. Every person you meet, you leave a mark on their lives. Make sure it's a mark that counts, and a positive one they'll never forget. Always be confident, and go with your gut (even though you don't have much gut left). Even on the days when your life sucks, find that little glimpse of hope, and always focus on the positives of the day instead of the negatives. Smile Always. Give yourself more credit than what you do. People refer to you as a hero and that you are their inspiration, please, be a good role model. Don't ever see yourself as better than someone else. Use your disease as a blessing, use it to witness all the wonders God has worked in your life, use it to inspire and motivate the people around you, if they have a chronic illness or not. Don't ever let anyone else have control over your happiness, you've been through so much turmoil and sadness, that you should never send yourself back to that place, let alone give someone else the power to send you there. People are cruel, people will always be cruel. Kill them with kindness, regardless. It's okay to cry sometimes, but don't become a hot mess. You stay strong through almost all of the motions of your life because you feel like you have to be everyone else's backbone. It doesn't always have to be like that, sometimes it's okay to cry and feel sorry for yourself, go somewhere alone, let it all out, regroup and move on. Don't ever let yourself stay in that place. Always forgive, when you choose to not show forgiveness, you aren't hurting the person you're angry with.. You're hurting yourself. Enjoy this moment, yes, this moment, in the hospital, with a virus, and an ostomy. Enjoy this moment, because years down the road it will be a memory, and a story about something you've been through. Don't speak so negatively about yourself, you always aren't skinny enough, or pretty enough, or healthy enough, but as Dr. Seuss says "Today you are you, that's truer than true. There is no one alive that is youer than you." Cherish the people in your life right now, because, they won't always be there. Believe you can do great things, and you will. Don't listen to the negativity of others, take constructive criticism and try to apply it to your life, but don't ever let someone break you down. Love fearlessly. If you have feelings for someone, don't ever pass up the opportunity to tell them. Always pray, about everything. Understand that the things God is putting you through right now, are preparing you for something greater than yourself, take all challenges head on, work your heart on, then when you make it out on the other side, you'll understand why it happened. Stay positive. Stay blessed.

From,
Me

"Just another day in the life."

Ugh

So, I am making this post from my phone.. Hopefully it'll work out this way too because I've always done it from my laptop.

I had my Entivyo infusion yesterday and today I am 99 percent sure my body is killing itself. I have never been this sick after treatment.. Hopefully by Thursday I will be able to move and feel like somewhat of a normal person.

When I went to the hospital and stood on the scale, I weighed in at 126 pounds. I was 140 pounds 8 weeks ago.. So, I'm going back on tpn and lipids for awhile.. From where my ostomy is so high up, even though I've been eating my head off, my body just isn't absorbing it. I will be on tpn and lipids probably until I get my ostomy taken down. My doctor is going to adjust it to where I am holding steady at 135 pounds.

I go to see my surgeon on the 15th of this month, and I'm pretty excited. I'd like to try getting a takedown so I can actually live my life... But we will see. I know I'm going to tell them that if they decide to do the takedown, if they get in there and my gut doesn't look good, instead of putting it back together, I like to be ran out with a better ostomy, and then try again later.

On a more positive note- Based on my labs, my Crohn's is in remission. I don't feel like I'm in remission. But, that's what the labs say, so.

I've laid in my moms bed in the same spot all day because it hurts to move, and I'll probably do the same thing tomorrow. I just pray I have a restful night.

This is a rather short post, but I'm not in much of a mood to write and I don't want to get behind again, so here's something.

"Just another day in the life." 

I'm Blessed on the Busy Days, Too

Okay, so I am FINALLY back on track with my posts (YAY)!

I had a CRAZY busy weekend! But I am also blessed that I'm still able to enjoy not only the days I spend relaxing in bed watching movies, but the days where I am on the run nonstop as well.

Friday night, I was horribly sick with a 24 hour stomach virus, but thank goodness I was better by Saturday morning because ain't nobody got time for the stomach virus!

I started my day early Saturday, waking up at 8, getting ready, then picking up one of my best friends by 9:30 to go to a graduation at 10.

This was my first year ever attending a high school graduation, but I had a great time!

I got to see one of my best friends, Valerie receive her diploma. Valerie and I have practically grown up together, she is one of the most honest and down to Earth friends I have. Everyone needs that friend that warns you before you make an incredibly stupid decision.. She's mine.
We've laughed and cried together over the years and I am so blessed that I am still here on this Earth to watch her receive her high school diploma.
I am so, so proud of this girl and I cannot wait to see everything she accomplishes in the future!

After Valerie's graduation ended, I had to go to another graduation at 1.

Next, I got to see my boyfriend, Jacob receive his diploma! I have known Jacob for about 3 years now and our families are very close. We have only been dating for a little over a month, but he is everything I could ask for in a boyfriend and more. He is so sweet and caring and he always helps me with whatever I need, which is a big thing for someone with a chronic illness. I am so proud of the man he has become and I can't wait to see all the amazing opportunities the future holds for him!

As I was leaving the school parking lot, I saw one of the valedictorians, I rolled my window down to tell her she had an amazing speech and to ask her if she found the friend that I came with because he was going to her graduation party after. After we talked, I went to roll my window back up and she stopped me and said "MaKenzie, I'm praying for you." Those 5 words... They made my day, and 2 days later, it's still on my mind.. It's the things like that, that mean the most.

 On Sunday, I went to another graduation party, then went to my sweet little cousin's 2nd birthday party where I rode a mini pony, and got to pet a kangaroo and a camel.

Also, I was able to make it through this weekend with no outrageous ostomy leaks, so I thank the lord for that. I am excited to see what is in store for these upcoming weeks.
Next Monday, I go back for another IV Infusion of Entivyo, thank you for all of the continued prayers.

"Just another day in the life."