Just to be honest, it was so much easier than I ever imagined it could be.. A lot of people say that after all of the bullets I have taken, the things in the future should be nothing I can't handle. That statement is controversial.. I have been through a lot, but I still feel pain just like the next person. But yes, I can handle it. I honestly believe that every single person can handle anything that is thrown their way.. The question is, do you handle it, or run from it?
Looking back on this year, I have found a strength in myself that I never knew I had. How when I was in ICU on the vent, and my family was told they were probably going to lose me, I somehow managed to find some kind of strength in my body that I never knew I had and I used every bit of my being to help get through.. Plus, I had an amazing Savior holding my hand the whole time.
The next day after my surgery was a great day, I got up, got moving, and I honestly just knew everything was going to be just fine.
Then my tube got clamped.................................................
My gtube was clamped and none of us knew.. So, the whole day I was super nauseous and I had all I thought I could stand. Thank goodness, my surgeon noticed it during my wound vac change. He was able to unclamp it and he drew a ton of the fluid off my stomach which made me feel a bit better.
The next two days was all about walking through the nausea and trying to get all that bile off my stomach and down my tube. I threw up twice and was convinced that by the way it felt, my whole wound had ripped open and I was bleeding out. So I just laid there. In my vomit. Luckily, that wasn't the case.
Now I am a week and a day out from surgery, and I seriously feel great. I am getting my wound vac changed on Tuesdays and Fridays. I am walking, eating popsicles and drinking clears.
Everything in my body is working the way it should and I am beyond blessed to be having such an awesome recovery and I am constantly praying it stays that way.
In closing, I am going to say this.. I will not be going back to the past. Being in ICU, being extremely ill, almost losing my life, struggling, crying, and feeling like I was nothing. I am still healing from that part of my life and the way I get over things is to stop talking about them. Years from now, I will be able to speak about that part of my life and not get choked up, but I am just not there yet.
So, for the people in my life on a daily basis- This time WILL work. This time IS working. We are NOT going to worry that THIS time will be like LAST time, because THIS time IS NOT LAST TIME. We are not going back to that place.
I may eat my words, but if I do, I will handle it.
I remember where I've been, but I'm looking forward to where I'm going.
"Just another day in the life."
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